I can hardly wait to be a remote controlled device

The wireless connectivity will let you access anything you want with the wave of your hand.

I can hardly wait to be a remote controlled device

I can hardly wait to get the new “quantum dot digital tattoo” so I can be a device in the “Internet of Things.” No more wallets or cards. No passwords to remember. No keys to lose. The wireless connectivity will let you access anything you want with the wave of your hand. Won’t need TVs and computers or even your phone because you’ll just instantly download movies and games right into your brain or call someone just by thinking their name. Like Star Trek, only better.

We won’t need to go to boring, meaningless jobs every day because everything will be automated and the government will give us Universal Basic Income. Sounds like a dream come true, eh? Get paid to stay home and do nothing!

Won’t need to own your own car because driverless smart transit will take you wherever the government says you’re supposed to go. No rent or mortgage because you’ll be assigned a nice little apartment in a big “smart city” somewhere. No more banks, no more money, no more fiddling around with dirty pocket change, because that spreads disease. All your transactions will be transmitted and received through your digital tattoo from your account in “the cloud.”

That’ll put the robbers and bad guys out of business, so we won’t need cops, who are way too violent and racist anyway. They’ll be replaced by robot cops that will treat people much more humanely. But we won’t need too many of those because the quantum dot can even read your mind, so you’ll get “zapped” for just thinking about a crime.

Won’t need doctors either! The digital tattoo will constantly monitor your temperature and test for COVID-19. If you test positive, you’ll be transported to a quarantine camp so you won’t infect anybody else. But that’s only until they make a vaccine, which could take awhile because they have to make sure it’s safe. The new vaccines will actually “tweak” your DNA so that you’ll be immune to all the diseases! And, when it’s your turn to die your dot will start to glow red, just like that old movie, Brave New World.

We could sure use that digital dot right now in this scary pandemic, because it would help us to social distance. Did you know that with the Internet of Things you have to be six feet apart or the signals get mixed up on the 5G surveillance grid? I heard on the news that the pandemic might not go away for a long time. Sure, we flattened the curve, but Bill Gates says there will be a second wave and he should know because he predicted the first one. He’s not a doctor, but he’s the richest man in the world and I guess that’s why he is so smart.

Elon Musk is really smart too. I watch him on YouTube talking about artificial intelligence and how we will soon be able to upload our brains into robots and live forever. The way he talks like a robot, I wonder if he’s already done that? The future is so exciting! I can hardly wait to become a remote controlled device in the Internet of Things!

David Work

Lake Cowichan


Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Cowichan Valley residents can help mark World Alzheimer’s Month

Two-part online discussion series called “Demystifying advocacy” on Sept. 28 and 29

Island Corridor launches survey to determine importance of Vancouver Island rail line

“ICF remains 100 per cent committed to the restoration of full rail service on Vancouver Island”

Who’s running in Cowichan?

A list of Cowichan candidates for the upcoming provincial election

Cowichan Aquatic Centre will reopen on Oct. 13

But facility will only be open on a limited basis for time being

BC Liberal Leader talks drug addiction in the Lower Mainland

Drug addiction and public safety a top priority says Andrew Wilkinson

Island RCMP remind drivers not to text after 19 tickets handed out in 90 minutes

The $368 fines were handed out Tuesday on Norwell Drive and Old Island Highway in Nanaimo

Vanderhoof’s Brian Frenkel takes on top job in tough times

We can get through this, new local government leader says

Join Black Press Media and Do Some Good

Pay it Forward program supports local businesses in their community giving

Three years for serial bank robber who hit southern Vancouver Island branch

Lucas Bradwell was wanted for robberies in Abbotsford, Sidney and Vancouver

Local councils important, Horgan says as municipal conference ends

B.C. NDP leader says ‘speed dating’ vital, online or in person

Penticton woman sentenced to one year in prison for manslaughter of teen boyfriend

Kiera Bourque, 24, was sentenced for manslaughter in the 2017 death of Penticton’s Devon Blackmore

B.C. Green leader says NDP abandoning environmental plan

Horgan’s claim of unstable government false, Furstenau says

Most Read