By Chris Wilkinson
When I first came to the Cowichan Valley nearly 20 years ago, one of the first people I met was Holly. Holly and I worked together as exercise therapists in a physio clinic. Holly had graduated from the same kinesiology program I had, just a few years ahead of me, and she taught me a lot early on. Holly still works with people in that exercise therapy role and, chances are, a number of you have met her at some point to rehab an injury or splash around in the pool.
I was chatting with Holly recently and she was telling me about her mom, Anne. Immediately I was captured by a couple of the stories Holly shared about Anne. Anne sounds like she has embraced Happier Aging like a champ.
Anne is 88 and still shovels snow in the winter. She even helps her neighbour by shoveling their sidewalk too! And in the summer, she’s out in the yard at 6 a.m. picking raspberries from her huge raspberry patch.
But it was another story about Anne and her resilience that impressed me more. Holly shared that Anne had gone through a relationship challenge just a few short years ago. Anne entered a new relationship when she was 83. It started off that the fellow was very kind and respectful. But then after their marriage, he started to change. He asked for petty things — for example, he started having the Globe and Mail delivered to her house, then asked her to pay for it. Then he asked for changes to the prenup. Then his family got involved, also asking for changes to the prenup. And then they berated Anne and were very rude and yelling at her when visiting. At the end his family gave him the ultimatum, right in front of Anne — “Dad, it’s her or us!” Hard to believe. But Holly wouldn’t lie. He chose his family. Within minutes they had a moving truck there and were walking out with this and that. Whisking him away.
You may be thinking that he had cognitive changes and perhaps he didn’t know what was going on. It doesn’t sound like it, but even if that’s true… the family. My god.
Thankfully, Anne was released of that burden and now lives very happily again. When I asked Holly about what helped her mom get through that tough time, Holly replied that Anne remains close with her family and loved ones. She goes for lunches and dinners with her fellow church members and friends. She leans into the important relationships that she has and doesn’t isolate herself.
I am so impressed with Anne’s resiliency and strength. And I haven’t even met her! To me Anne also represents Happier Aging. Because she doesn’t back down from life. She’s engaged. She’s active. She’s willing to stay in the arena playing the game. She’s able to go through a very tough time in a relationship at 85-plus and keep going. It didn’t ruin her. Anne has shown us that the human condition knows no age boundaries.
Holly shared that Anne keeps up her health, family and friend relationships and is a quiet leader for the family in the way she demonstrates her resilience. I must say, I appreciate the lesson in resilience Anne! Thank you. Perhaps we’ll meet.
Chris Wilkinson is the owner/GM for Nurse Next Door Home Care Services for Cowichan and central Vancouver Island. For more info visit www.NurseNextDoor.com or for questions or a free in-home Caring Consult call 250-748-4357, or email Chris.Wilkinson@NurseNextDoor.com