Relationships between parents and children have far-reaching effects in our lives. (submitted)

Relationships between parents and children have far-reaching effects in our lives. (submitted)

Principles for Living: In my father’s eyes

Nothing helps move us forward in life more than cleaning up unfinished business with our parents.

By Carl Weber

Nothing helps move us forward in our lives more than cleaning up any unfinished business we have with our parents. Until we do, we attract people into our lives with the same emotional charge that mirrors the incompleteness we experience with that parent.

With Father’s Day so recently past, I was reminded of a life lesson my Dad and I shared over 20 years ago and that I would now like to share with you.

It seems like just yesterday that my father and I couldn’t see eye to eye. There was no love, not even like. I was raised in a very tightly controlled social setting. As a result, most of my childhood energy was spent directing anger inward towards myself or outward towards my father. Finally, in the late 90s on a weekend visit, we shared a pivotal moment that set the two of us on a healing path.

On the Sunday morning he surprisingly started to tell me about his past. He confided that very near the end of World War II, he and his father shared a train to the respective parts of the front for which they each fought in separate regiments. His father travelled 100 miles out of his way to accompany my 18-year-old father to his destination, and in doing so put himself in trouble with his superiors. At that time, my father had no idea why his father would do such a thing.

My dad now knows that his father was trying to say goodbye. My grandfather knew he would not live much longer. He died one week later on the Russian front. My father remembered how uncharacteristically forthright and loving his father was and told me that he would do anything to go back in time and say goodbye to his father.

Kapow, it was like my blinders had been instantly removed! I understood why my childhood seemed so regulated and saw his control issues as a means with which to keep me close to him, as his own inadequate but very human way of demonstrating his love for me. After that, my father and I shared a truly loving relationship.

As a result of that healing moment, my entire life has become enriched. Before that, I unknowingly felt the weight of the reflection I saw of myself in my father’s eyes in all of my relationships and, like an anchor, that weight held me back.

So instead of just a card or a well meaning purchase next Father’s or Mother’s Day, how about giving the gift of who you are by sharing a truly accepting and forgiving moment? That gift would keep on giving. Just ask my father.

Aloha and Peace

Dr. Carl Weber, B.P.E. (Hon), DC, is a chiropractor at Lake Cowichan Chiropractic, 85 Darnell Rd. Contact them at 250-749-3393 or check the out on the internet at